Step Family


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I need help quickly. I probably have the hardest job of step-parenting then anybody. I am raising a step daughter, 9, my daughters from previous marriage 14, and 11, and have 3 children from this marriage, 10 months, 2 1/2 and 4. Also my step childrens’ mother has been deceased for almost 4 years.

I am having problems with the 9 year old because she and I both are very jealous people. I try to do everything fairly and evenly. My husband says sometimes I don’t when he’s the one who treats her like she is a queen, sneaking her money on the side for no reason He gets very moody when she goes to visit her aunt (her mother’s sister) though he never got along with his ex wife. He doesn’t get along with my 2 daughters too well. It’s ok for him to yell and punish my 2 year old but not OK for me to do it to his daughter. His son is no problem and never was.

His mother and brother always treat these two as something special. Which I feel is wrong. I could go on and on. My ex husband is still in the picture with my 2 daughters which my current husband doesn’t like. It’s not fair if they get something from their father because his daughter doesn’t. But she has everybody else giving to her. He works the craziest hours in the world. But raising all they kids and nobody to talk to about my problems is very difficult.

I love all my children and my husband but need some type of help. So if you can suggest a good book that may help me deal with things the right way let me know. We have been together almost 7 years and pulled our selves out of a big hole. We have a beautiful home and the kids are not doing without. The only one doing without is myself. Everyone else gets everything they need. My nine month old is a handful himself. He never sleeps all night. He seems like he is insecure. As long as I pick him up and nurse him back to sleep he’s ok. I’m lacking sleep therefore lacking patience. I am doing the job of staying home with my kids, but need some air. It’s hard to take 3 little ones with you everywhere.

Jann Blackstone-Ford, MA

Q: I share custody of my two children with my ex-husband and, to be honest, his wife, the kids’ stepmother. She does take very good care of them when they’re at her home ‑– and the kids like her. This year, the kids are scheduled to be with their dad on Mother’s Day. I want them with me. I’m anticipating a fight because I know she will want them with her. But I’m the Mom! How do we handle this?

Source: The Sunday Times

Shane Watson

There are no hard and fast rules on how to be a mother to children who aren’t yours — except that you’re not their mum

Something is going on in the stepmothering camp. Call it an uprising, or a rebranding. It all started with Gisele Bundchen, talking about her husband Tom Brady’s baby son. “To me, it’s not like because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child,” she said. “I feel it is, 100%.” So, to clarify, although Bridget Moynahan is John Brady’s mother, Bundchen thinks John is her child. Then there was the story about the woman in Australia who went to court to prevent her daughter calling her stepmother “Mummy D”. It was a small item in the news — one of those designed to make you marvel at the pettiness of divorced couples — but look closely and there is something else going on here. A mother battling to maintain her unique status. A stepmother who imagines she is no different to a birth mother, and wants to rewrite history with her centre stage in the family portrait.

I am a stepmother. I’m not crazy about the term — the step part makes it sound cold and hard, not to mention all the negative baggage that goes with it — but it serves a useful purpose, which is to clarify exactly where I stand in relation to my stepchildren, and they to me. I am not my stepchildren’s mother. I did not give birth to them. I had not even met them until they were in their teens. Those are the plain facts and they are the sort of facts you mess with at your peril. (more…)